Friday, January 27, 2012

has anyone ever care about me?

has anyone ever care about me? even the slightest bit? i feels so lonely. seems like i have no one. i have no one since the start of time, until now and i think i will forever be this way. i've always be alone. as for everyone else, no matter how hard this world be, they say that they still always have a family. but for me? what do i have? who do i have? no one ever think about me. there were times, though that i thought they do think about me. i thought that they do care. it seemed so genuine. as i'm writing this, my tears is flowing down my eyes, through my cheek, dropping down from my chin.
        who am i? since i was very little, i tend to think that i'm actually adopted. i'm not real. i'm someone else. how could i be here.? this is not true. how could i even be borned? they don't want me. they dislike me. they hate me. so why should i be here.? this is not reality. i wish doraemon really exist, i wish he could take me far from this thoughtless world. i want to hide. to a place where no one know me. yes, i would like to be an alien, anything. i want to be away from everyone here. i want to run away. away from my parents. away from my families. i have no one in my world. i'm a loner. and being a loner, i guess the right thing to be, rather than feeling upset and disappointed most all the time of your life. i'm tired. i'm tired of crying. i'm kind of fed up with it. luckily my school taught me a lot about religion. or else i think i won't be here now, writing this thing. i must be dead if i didn't take all that into consideration.

   p/s :  i was just upset because my camera was lost. i just bought it. not even half a year that camera's time with me. i miss it a lot. yeah, 'that felon' do pay me back. but i want my camera back! that's my first digital camera that i bought with my own ringgit! i've been wanting a digital camera since primary, and i just got it when i set my foot on college. and now it's lost! ohh, this is making me crazy.   so i'm rather fed up to use my own money now.  T__T

m3m0r!3$ -_-

Hella miss maahad's rindu nisa', mina, azuwa, umai, zyrah, syefi, alya, aten, shida, amar, and everyone there... It was so much fun. We laugh a lot. HAHA. We argue a lot too.. DAMN. I have so much in my mind right now. Too much of it. However i just don't know how and where to start.
        Somehow i feel that amongst all, I'm the most stupid one. I'm the lowest in studying, I'm the lowest in akhlak. Why do I keep being the lowest? Nevertheless I do not upset, coz I know that I'm better, just that I am TOO LAZY TO STRUGGLE.
        FATIN AMIRAH ZAINAL.. Aren't you ashamed? All of your friends are too far ahead you.  They succeed in so many things. Their relationship with people are great. Their relationship with Allah are superb. But how are you? You are a failure. You knew it yet you do nothing to improve. Please aten, make a change. You don't want to end up in hell. Start a change now, you never know what the future holds.

 But lets share about them... I presents you....: ZUFFAJINASS!!!!

at pendang lake resort. dread nightmare that has turned into reality bg aq.

 otw to dwan badlishah.i miss this ol'time..

 yeah,during F3.Aspurawie rocks!

ma best frens ever.we laugh n curse a lot.HAHA.

 back from annual dinner.DAEBAK!

 umai,syefi,shida,aten n aten.heheh

Friday, January 20, 2012

m!$3r@bI_3 -_-

this is hard
i feel like isolating myself
to a place where no one could find me
where no one would know me
just being there myself
and myself only.

friends makes you happy
they could cure your sorrows
but apart from that
they also may cause you tears.

in my case
i'm dying of laughter because of friends
and it's because of friends too
my life gets so miserable
too miserable that i feel like 
ending it here.

is it wrong to be secretive?
is it wrong to not telling anyone how you feel?
is it wrong to have a crush secretly?
why do everyone need to know?

i feel like the whole wide world despise me
it was so fine before
why must it turn out to be this way?

      p/s : acting normal....even it's hard.

Sunday, January 15, 2012


          Alhamdulillah...,thank you Allah, thank you Allah, thank you Allah for giving me Band 4 in MUET. Thank you for giving me the chance to succeed. I've failed my SPM, and my Matrix's certificate is not yet to be proud of. So I seek forgiveness from You, himpunkan kami dalam Jannah-Mu. Ameennn.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

I am nineteen now!!!!

    Hope we'll perform better in this new upcoming year...
Takder nak rant apa pun actually..
suka itu fitrah kan?
cinta itu fitrah kan?
sayang itu juga fitrah kan?
macam mana kita kendalikannya yang menentukan benda tu salah or opposites.
sebagai perempuan, apatah lagi remaja,
aku akui,
diri aku tak sekuat mana..
i'm begging 'you',
stop doing that...
stop all your sweet talk...
stop all caring and stuffs...
stop treating me for anything...
and the most of all,
stop your persistent gazing...
I'm sick of it.

 oh, how i wish this could happen to me..~