Tuesday, December 2, 2014

this is me. 

i'm dying to write n express something. like those pent up anger n disappointment, my mind's struggling to let them free. those on-the-verge-of-tears-felt feelings, i secure them good. or at least i try to. that the most i've always been doing is to keep them caged, doing things to distract my mind from keep thinking about it. and then i'll forget. i always forget. for that momentary moments.

supposedly it's good i guess. cause they keep me from showing my anger n stuffs.

however one thing for sure.
 
this time i may forget. but next time i face the same situation, my memories will come rushing. and i get overly sensitive over the smallest matter., if that situation involves people i care about., people that i consider close.
the bad side is,
i get scared. to get close to people.
and to people i'm already close with?
i try distancing myself as vaguely as possible.


-tooemotionalicouldburst- 

Saturday, October 25, 2014

kenangan dan sesalan

you know what your problem is??

you never appreciate all the people and things that surrounds you at the moment. you never really show that you actually care. you never really show that you actually aware of them. you don't try to grab the opportunity that comes your way.
you keep everything bottled up inside. you squeezes everything in, never letting out. you seals your emotion. you wait for things to happen. like wait is the only thing you could do. but when certain things are bound to happen, you run away.

because the truth is, :  YOU ARE AFRAID. with things you don't even know.

p/s: countless separation., still you don't seem to get it.
hold on to them. or live your life in regret.


f.a

Friday, September 12, 2014

Yes, I'm an INTROVERT. and proud. =]


You are an ISFJ
(Introvert, Sensor, Feeler, Judger)
ISFJs represent between 9 and 14% of the U.S. population

Sensitive, Caring, Patient, and Conscientious

ISFJs can take time to warm up to new ideas and people. Painstakingly accurate and methodical when working with facts and details, ISFJs are patient with follow-through tasks. They tend to take commitments and deadlines very seriously, have excellent memories and are especially good at remembering details pertaining to people.

Patient listeners, eager to help people in real and practical ways

Quiet, private and reserved at first, but once they make a connection they are exceptionally loyal, generous and devoted. ISFJs are down-to-earth and realistic people and use practical judgment in making decisions and lend stability through their excellent commonsense perspective. ISFJs are modest, serious and hardworking and highly supportive of friends and colleagues.



Saturday, September 6, 2014

20 Facts About Me

1. Lahir di selatan, membesar di utara.

2. I speak utara only with orang2 utara jugak. Kalo cakap dengan orang luar, automatik ayat pergi mode kl. As well as when speaking formally.

3. Currently studying TESOL in USM.

4. Cannot read apatah lagi to deal with numbers. Can't even remember my dad's new plate numbers.

5. Benda paling dibenci adalah melukis. Dan segalanya yang melibatkan lukisan dan kreativiti. But I enjoy menghayati hasil kerja orang lain tho. 

6. Easy to forgive. But I never forget!

7. Kadang-kadang lambat grab maksud percakapan orang. If u see me looking at u tak cakap pape tu means that I don't get ur point but too lazy to ask again.

8. Join PALAPES semata-mata sebab perbarisan. I never knew what I'd be going through.

9. Sepanjang 21 tahun hidup, I realized that jenis lelaki yang aku admire semuanya SAMA. The exact same kind of personality.

10. Sangat suka kanak-kanak, especially babies.

11. Dream wishes: to travel around the world. Backpacking style.

12. Sangat senang to cry. I can cry just seeing people cries. 

13. Prefer to be alone rather than with someone I'm awkward with.

14. Selalu rasa inferior yang kononnya kawan-kawan tak suka aku.

15. I'm not talkative hence explains why I talk less so tak payah nak tegur tegur why aku diam sangat whatsoever.

16. Lebih familiar dengan Korea entertainment industry daripada negara sendiri.

17. Bad in remembering roads and directions. 

18. Good in remembering names and recognizing people.

19. Prefer reading notes alone daripada study group. Walaupun tahu aku sangat pemalas bila sorang sorang.

20. Dan saya SANGAT SUKA pantai. / water element. 

21. And the end. =)


Thursday, September 4, 2014

ISLANDS

The road is far and the water was deep
My feet are frozen and there was light past the ocean
Time flows even on days that aren’t calm
You were with me during all of my time


On top of my nervously shaking shoulders
You put your hands without a word on top of the water
Connecting us heart to heart, unfolding road for me


How many rivers must be crossed?
How many wide oceans must be past?
To meet the me of my dreams?


When I’m walking over the dazzling bridge that is connected by our hearts
You are standing at the end with a warm smile
On the way to tomorrow


In the middle of the vast ocean
I shout outloud, asking how to withstand this by myself


The past memories that reflect on the glass window
Becomes the sun that sets in my heart
You are always there, finding road for me


After barely crossing the wave that is the world
I’m getting a little closer to the place that we promised
To you, closer, closer


A nameless and lonely island
Connect me to you again


How many more of us must be met?
How many more bridges must be crossed?
To reach the dazzling place?


All the things we shared
Colors in my heart every day
With the same light, we are made as one, forever
As we look at each other


Our bridges forever






Sunday, July 20, 2014

♥ Shy Love ♥

We never talk.
We never text.
We never call.
We never even call each others' name properly.

But that connection felt strong
Our thinking seems to be the same
Our similarities seems related
Our luck seems to be entertwined too
And only the stare keep us in faith.


f.a 


Thursday, July 10, 2014

Reason kenapa aq let go Accounts. T__T

This incident actually happened quite a long time ago. Been decomposing in my draft since then., lol. A funny memorable moment with love.

                       ***********
    
     Bought quite kinds of burgers at desasiswa aman damai, of course with different prices. > the seller counts the total prices and asked us for confirmation. > alamak ! (tercengang smbil lwn tgok dua org) > that seller tnjuk kat fon suruh check calculator. (oh,okay..) > me : bg rm50. > effa : aq pnya bqapa? > me: tercengang lg smbil tgok cicak kat ats ceiling. (wat2 kira harga) mna plak kalkulator neyh... > nmpak that seller gelak (mcm mna bleh msuk u ney?) > effa: ten, sbb 2 kta amek b.i.... > riuh gelak dua2...


                     ***********

Masa sekolah dulu aq heroin bertahan subjek Akaun kowt. Dari zaman Form 5 sampai matrik Akaun aq mana pernah dpt bawah 90. Tolak zaman Form 4 sebab masa tu memang langsung2 tak tahu apa itu Akaun. Ngeheheh (ini mmg epic kerana subjek lain aq mmg fail)
Benda yang paling aq ingat masa interview nak masuk usm ialah soalan diorang kenapa tak nak further Akaun. And jawapan aq:  saya tak mampu nak fight dengan Math lagi dah.


And nahh, there you go. Tesol majoring with multimedia as minor. Walaupun macam dah major multimedia pulak gayanya. Dengan video editing, flash, photoshop, illustrator, 3d bagai. Aq nasihatkan bagi jenis yang diri tak kreatip macam aq ney, mohon tolak jauh-jauh subjek multimedia neyh. huhuu


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Mini Konvo USM

Konvokesyen ke-49 Universiti Sains Malaysia 
Pulau Pinang

Kawad Kawalan Kehormat 
=]









with Einas., mate since Maahad's era





USM Navy team


well, nak tahu apa sebabnya aku join palapes? This is it. Perbarisan with this smart cool dress. I love seeing all those ATM's and the PDRM's people standing and marching in any event., with that m16 in their hands. Whenever I come across those occasions, my eyes just shone and I would never turn away. And I said to myself, 'sampai bila nak tengok jer orang buat. Dan aku selama-lamanya takkan dapat peluang untuk join occasion macam tu walaupun sebagai penonton.' 
so yeah, here I am. And honestly, this is exactly the one thing that made me stay. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Latihan Berterusan Palapes

   Bukan nak 'chewi' atau tunjuk propa bagai. Tapi hanyalah bertujuan menjadikan ia sebagai sebuah nukilan memori, yang mungkin bisa menjadi teman pencetus senyuman kala rasa sedih dan tertekan datang bertandang.

   Tanggal 4hb April 2014, aku menjejakkan kaki ke Kem Hobart, Gurun. Seperti biasa, orang yang datang awal perlu bersiap sedia merelakan kudrat digunakan sepenuhnya bagi persediaan semua pihak menghadapi latihan. Jadi dengan penuh redho aku melakukan tugas-tugasku dengan sebaik mungkin bersama sahabat seangkatan yang lain. Nothing much to say, cuma memang serius PENAT!

   Keesokan harinya, latihan menembak bermula. Latihan menembak berjalan selama 3 hari. Hari last menembak, sebelum kadet dilepaskan untuk latihan E&E, ada pertandingan menembak piring dan membuka & memasang senjata. Bagi kategori "intermediate", kitorang perlu membuka & memasang senjata LMG. Pertandingan menembak piring, memang aku angkat bendera putih awal-awal lagi lah kan. Tapi bagi pertandingan membuka dan memasang LMG tu, aku dapat peluang untuk join sekaki.

    Dia buat by company, and setiap company perlu ada wakil guys dan ladies. Tak boleh guys saja. So dipendekkan cerita, boleh dikatakan aku telah menyumbang kepada kemenangan company aku. (cheeewahh!) Sebabnya most ladies dalam other companies tu had something yang macam ala-ala 'panic attack' gittuh bila orang keliling semua duk provoke and bersorak-sorai mengusik macam-macam. Biasa la pompuan, emo nya memang over lah. So bila dah nervous + panic tuh, susah sikitlah nak buat kerja. Aku pulak jenis yang susah sikit nak panic melampau. Aku akan panic, di masa-masa di mana aku cari barang aku tak jumpa-jumpa. Dan bila aku dipaksa buat sesuatu yang aku tak reti atau tak tahu, tapi aku kena jugak buat. Macam contoh nak kena baca perintah masa zaman junior dulu. huhuhh
And so dalam kes ney, neither is involved. Aku tahu cara nak bukak and memasang benda alah tu. Cuma nak ingatkan balik jer. Dan daripada pemerhatian, aku tahu aku boleh buat, and so sebab tu kowt aku tak kalut sangat. Cuma kalut nak kejar masa jer la.

   Selepas itu sumpah rasa puas sesangat. Rasa "accomplished". Rasa berbaloi. And proud., of myself. Sebab asalnya aku jenis orang yang walaupun aku rasa aku nak sesuatu benda, tapi aku bukan jenis yang directly ikut kata hati. Aku perlu kumpul segala kekuatan dan keberanian sebelum my body act as what I want. The same for things that I feel like saying jugak. Macam-macam aku fikir sebenarnya sebelum nak mengeluarkan sesuatu ayat. Macam contoh dalam kes ney, aku akan fikir, yang kalau dah ada orang lain nak buat, aku rela undur diri, walau sebenarnya aku berminat untuk buat benda tu.

   It's the fact that I actually overcame this dilemma, yang buat aku sangat bangga dengan diri aku. It's a good improvement, kan? When sometimes, at proper times, you let go of the things that involve other peoples' judgments and feelings, and try to live your life for your own happiness. Asal jangan melampau sudaa..  :'] 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

LOVE

LOVE

Is the thing I need.
The need to give
Hopefully to receive.

As much as I long for love
The fear and insecure take part to rose
Leave me to be bewildered
Between choosing the heart or the judging crowd.

There were times
When lonely took place
During gloomy times gripping for strength
And those boring moments looking for enjoyment
And that alone situation seeking for companion. 

Despite all 
I enjoy being alone
Practice things no one care to comprehend
Doing everything to my heart content
Expect for no one comment
Live my life however I deem fit
Never care to fit in

And so I define my life as FREE.


f.a 



ps: feeling sad, happy, bored, blurr, blank, seeking for attention but wanting to be alone. It's complicated, mixed feeling.  Hands down.


gambar tiada kaitan. :)

Friday, March 21, 2014

"bolehkah ia dipercayai?"


"cuma ada dua sebab yang selalu jadi sebab utama kenapa perempuan akan pandang rendah, atau melekehkan, atau bergurau tentang luahan hati seorang lelaki kepadanya, tak kira betapa seriusnya lelaki tu. satu, dia memang menjaga hati. dua, dia harapkan luahan tu datang dari orang lain, bukan kita."


"hahaha. sama macam yang pernah aku tulis dulu, 'perempuan akan memandang rendah luahan hati kita, sebab dia tunggu luahan tu datang dari orang yang dia suka'."


"sad?"

"nope. dia kehilangan orang yang betul-betul mencintai dia, sedangkan dia masih mengejar orang yang belum tentu mencintai dia. kalau aku sedih pun, it's because aku ni pathetic, sehingga tak layak tersenarai dalam pilihan."

"somehow, somewhere, there's the one yang Tuhan takdirkan untuk kita. macam proses membesar. nak belajar berdiri, berjalan, berlari, berapa kali kita jatuh? dan akhirnya kita boleh jugak buat kan? it's fated. berapa kali pun kita jumpa orang yang kita cinta, kalau bukan jodoh, mesti akan sakit. tapi at the end, kita akan end up dengan orang yang betul, yang akan bersama dengan kita sampai akhir hayat."

"tapi melupakan tu sukar kan?"

"it's hard, but it's the only choice we have, to keep us alive. redha."

"sad truth."

cr: - sederhanaindah - fb@AkuIslam





Ehh??? 

Aku suka ayat yang atas tu. The ones in italic. Cuma bezanya aku tak pernahlah memandang rendah atau melekehkan, tapi aku lebih prefer untuk menganggap bahawa setiap kata-kata berbaur lamaran itu semuanya hanyalah gurauan semata-mata. Sebabnya sebenarnya antara dua: 
1. Aku enggan menaruh harapan. 
2. Aku bimbang dan ragu-ragu untuk memilih bakal suami yang tidak aku yakini agamanya. 

Premis 1: Nak kahwin bukan sekarang. So, masih terlalu awal untuk aku mengatakan 'ya' bagi lelaki yang belum tentu jodoh aku. 
Premis 2: Nak pilih suami, kenalah betul-betul. Kerana dia yang akan menentukan baik buruk masa depan kita, di dunia dan lebih-lebih lagi di akhirat. 

I'm not saying that I am good, hence I deserves better. No. I am seriously NOT GOOD. Just trying to be better. But I trust in HIM. He'll give me the best that suits me.  =)

Gaya bajet hot shtawppp gila. Piiiraahhh. 

Pengalaman kawan-kawan sebenarnya. I just observe and analyse. heeee... 
Sebab aku rasa macam serabut otak ja nak deal dengan semua benda tu. Bab hati jangan dibuat gurau lebih-lebih woiii. 



Friday, March 14, 2014

.zaman sekolah.


Pabila dibelek-belek kembali rakaman foto, terungkap kembali 1001 jenis cerita dan kenangan yang sudah lama bersarang di hujung sudut hati dan memori. Sesungguhnya pengalaman itu berbagai.

Bermula daripada rasa penuh teruja untuk memasuki Form 1 di sana. Kerana memikirkan peluang untuk terus kekal bersama dengan sahabat akrab yang lama terpisah sejak Darjah 6 (setahun jer pun padahal). Kepada rasa sedih dan tertekan yang sungguh sangat menekan jiwa semasa Form 3. Dan semasa di Form 3 jugalah lebih mengenal dunia dan lebih mengekspresi rasa dengan 1001 jenis pengalaman juga. Kepada rasa stress yang menggila dengan subjek-subjek SPM semasa Form 4. Dan seterusnya kepada zaman Form 5 yang mula mengenal dan mencintai Akaun bersama sahabat-sahabat sekelas yang banyak ragamnya, serta guru-gurunya yang pelbagai cara. 

Pahit atau manis. Suka atau duka. Cinta atau benci. Semua itu kekal di sini. Di dalam hati, juga memori.  =)

 with the only non-muslim teacher there. he's nice. =

 we fought. and we laughed. 



 my crazy classmates


 trip to uia. =]

 with the class teacher. =]




Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Angan-angan itu indah. 0_o


Taman Botani Pulau Pinang. 

Macam best jer taw tempat ney. Tadi aq pergi teman kawan aq cari bahan untuk assignment dia. Kat tempat ney la. Kawasan dia best, macam kau pergi situ naik bukit tar, and sekeliling dia ada pokok pokok rimbun menghijau yang jadi teman sepanjang jalan. Aq memang suka sungguhlah kalau tempat-tempat yang full of nature neyh. 

Ramai betul orang datang jogging kat sini. Especially chinese ah. Yang selain tu ada la dua tiga kerat.
Segan nak confess.(heeee) tapi aq teringin nak pergi tempat-tempat macam ney dengan suami aq. Rasa macam tenang gila dekat tempat macam tu. Cantik pulak tu. Solitude gittew.  =)


 aq rasa sbb panas. tu yg jd mcm ney
 sakura_cherrybloom_sweetlove

Saturday, February 22, 2014

# throwback #

I've been meaning to run
To a far away land
Not recognize by anyone
Just I, me and mine.

The soft breeze now turns to storm
It somehow forced me to an exploded atom
The rage, the dissappointment increases over time
Make it harder for me to heal and stay calm.

Those anger I kept inside
Always smile and try to practice a positive mind
Warily protective, for the secrets to subside
But now, couldn't me anymore stand
Everyone keep provoking, I don't see an end
Should lastly, I'll be the one to drown at the world's end?


f.a 





09082012_KMKN

Thursday, January 9, 2014

pengalaman itu indah. =0


     Bismillah...

 Dah lama sebenarnya aku nak update something dekat blog ney. About anything will do. Macam-macam idea ada datang. Tapi when I actually do duduk depan laptop ney, aku jadi macam ... * krik, krik, krik.. nak tulis mende ek..? * And it happens most of the time. ermmm, kenapa ek??

  Oke, tadi aku tetiba teringat kenangan manis masa latihan berterusan Palapes. Latihan menembak dan pandu arah. Kitorang buat latihan menembak dekat Kem Hobart, Kedah. And pastu kitorang bergerak ke area Kulim kowt kalau tak salah aku untuk buat latihan pandu arah. Melalui BKE tuuu uollsss...   Butterwoth-Kulim Expressway, highways that connects Butterwoth, Penang in the west to Kulim, Kedah in the east. (which is SEVENTEEN km long!) Ehh tak tak tak dan sekali-kali tidak., bukan naik bas mahupun basikal, skuter pown bukan. Kitorang jalan kaki oke... Ambil masa 3 hari jugak la nak habiskan perjalanan.

  Somehow, that was like, the sweetest experience for me. Aku pown tak tahu kenapa, tapi aku sangat treasure 'masa' itu. Mau taknya, I had like, the most caring abang kat situ. And at the same time dia jugaklah abang yang sangat suka menyakat dan membuli. Tapi buli-buli dia, kitorang semua tahu tujuannya hanya untuk mengajar.., dan mungkin jugak hanyalah alasan untuk bermesra-mesra dengan adik-adiknya.  =)

  And the most remembered and treasured moment was during the pandu arah time. I had the most exciting and enjoyable members there. Seriously undoubtedly group aku SAANGATLAHH cool. We had to finish the 17 km walk there but benda tu sangatlah enjoyable. Well, sebab aku dapat group leader yang sangat cool and lepak. But lepak-lepak dia pown otak geliga kowt. Ye lah, kejut punya kampus punya student kan.

 
engat apa? tgh panas kowt tu! kesian kowt guys, at least aku cover tapak tgn dgn lengan baju. hewhew

yeahh, yg tgh berdiri itu la mastermind nyaa. oh ya, dia buat mcm tu sbb nak tunjuk hero kat geng2 Palapes UMP yg baru dtg masuk tempat tu. yep, typical him. =)

see that man yg tgh cekak pinggang? tu la abang yg aku ckp earlier. huihuihui
front support kat longkang, saper pernah buat??




__--__ : error pulak masa tgh upload video front support tuh. *hikshiks sedeyh..*  T__T